The plethora of e-mails telling me the penis I don’t have needs to be larger was bad enough but now this.
(via bugnut)
People who think that because I see more than just their view of the world, that I am somehow a complete bitch.
What kind of people annoy me? Most days, everyone just be breathing.
Manipulators. I just can’t deal with manipulating people.
I was within earshot of my daughters having a conversation about a horror movie one of them went to see last weekend. She was sitting at the kitchen table dressed in her usual attire, sort of a cross between an 80”s punk rock star and a 60’s radical peace activist, if you can image that. She, overly excited, methodically went through every plot point of the movie that kept her from sleeping the night before.
“First”, she says, “there’s this girl that sees something that never should have happened and feeling betrayed she decided to kill the person responsible. She unfortunately kills the wrong person. That’s when it gets really good because all sorts of creepy weirdness starts. She gets all paranoid and thinks someone is trying to kill her, she thinks she sees people that aren’t there and she ends up killing her really good friend because he gets close to figuring it all out. It really makes me wonder if you can confuse what is real and what’s not and who’s your friend and who’s not. I just can’t stop thinking about it.”
My other daughter listened intently as she fussed with her usual attire, a mud stained soccer uniform adorned with athletic tape, under wrap and shin guards. I could see the puzzled look on her face as she tried to put all the plot points in some kind of rational formation in her head.
While rolling up her socks she looks up at daughter number 1 and says, “See, that is precisely why I stick to G-rated movies. There’s a decision to make. The main character spends an hour and a half thinking about it and then figures out that she should just follow her heart. The End. ”
I can’t believe these two girls come from the same gene pool.
Is this my weekend?
I wish it was warm enough to do that. If the powers that be would send some warm weather my way I might actually do that….and I’m really not much of a gardener. I’m Just tired of being cold.
I’m sorry to do this to all you wonderful people but I am having the worst possible 2 weeks of my life and I have to rant. It just seems like I’m wondering through my professional life by a dim light that keeps getting darker and darker. I had a work meeting last week in which a colleague tried to throw me under the proverbial bus. I sat there completely blind sided by his accusations. This is someone who has tried to be friendly with me in the past, has been to my house, knows my kids etc. I don’t think anyone believed him or even responded to his jabs. As a matter of fact they were kind of brushed under the rug and we went on. since then I’ve heard from several people that he was off base but I’m still feeling pummeled and disgusted. He caught me in the hallway after the meeting to tell me that I misunderstood what he was saying but I know i didn’t.
Jeez, I still have to deal with this guy. Augh!
Why in the fucking world do people do these things?
You need to talk to Charley.
This is going to sound rude but - Who’s Charley?
I’m sorry to do this to all you wonderful people but I am having the worst possible 2 weeks of my life and I have to rant. It just seems like I’m wondering through my professional life by a dim light that keeps getting darker and darker. I had a work meeting last week in which a colleague tried to throw me under the proverbial bus. I sat there completely blind sided by his accusations. This is someone who has tried to be friendly with me in the past, has been to my house, knows my kids etc. I don’t think anyone believed him or even responded to his jabs. As a matter of fact they were kind of brushed under the rug and we went on. since then I’ve heard from several people that he was off base but I’m still feeling pummeled and disgusted. He caught me in the hallway after the meeting to tell me that I misunderstood what he was saying but I know i didn’t.
Jeez, I still have to deal with this guy. Augh!
Why in the fucking world do people do these things?
I worked at a government agency for nearly 7 years. I made friends. When I left to go to a private firm, some of those friends felt like I had stabbed them in the back. One of these “friends” caught me in the hall when I was there for a meeting and asked me what I thought of another reviewer (who happened to be looking over my permit). I told her because we were “friends”. She not only told my ex boss that I was talking badly about permit reviewers, she spun everything I said so that it was much worse than I had said. She did this within minutes of my leaving her in the hall.
When I saw her later, I smiled and she asked what I thought of this other reviewer’s comments (one who wasn’t reviewing a permit of mine but is routinely talked about in the private sector). I said that I had nothing to say to her becuase I had no desire to be ratted out again. She looked shocked. WTF!?!
I don’t know why people do it other than that they are jealous and petty.
I’m sorry you have to experience it.
Thanks for that story - It’s good to know I’m not alone. Sorry that happened to you. It’s a frightening feeling though to know you just can’t trust people you thought you could. I know I sound a bit ignorant. I”m not, I’ve been through stuff like this before but it shocks me every time and leaves me feeling empty (for a while anyway).
I’m sorry to do this to all you wonderful people but I am having the worst possible 2 weeks of my life and I have to rant. It just seems like I’m wondering through my professional life by a dim light that keeps getting darker and darker. I had a work meeting last week in which a colleague tried to throw me under the proverbial bus. I sat there completely blind sided by his accusations. This is someone who has tried to be friendly with me in the past, has been to my house, knows my kids etc. I don’t think anyone believed him or even responded to his jabs. As a matter of fact they were kind of brushed under the rug and we went on. since then I’ve heard from several people that he was off base but I’m still feeling pummeled and disgusted. He caught me in the hallway after the meeting to tell me that I misunderstood what he was saying but I know i didn’t.
Jeez, I still have to deal with this guy. Augh!
Why in the fucking world do people do these things?
There is an actual open police investigation regarding the terrible thing that occurred yesterday. A coworker is suspect. My notebook that had my Tumblr info was removed from my desk about a month ago. I thought that I had just misplaced it.
It seems that also there was an interoffice email announcing my resignation. This is a big mess and I am not sure how to address it. I believe that this has been retribution for accusing this man of work place abuse. He wasn’t fired and he has been systematically trying to destroy my good name at work and now here as well.
Once again I want to apologize to everyone. I am so hurt that anyone felt so much pain. It was very moving to read all of the support here yesterday. There are no words.
The truth is I am often sick. I do fear that I may die early. One of the reasons that I don’t connect well with people. I don’t date because of this. Yesterday, I saw something that just broke my heart. I don’t want anyone to feel pain over me. I want to make everyone smile.
I will be closing my Tumblr account and will keep in contact through email. It just seems like the best thing to do.
I just can’t express enough how deeply sorry I am that this has occurred. I feel very exposed and embarrassed.
Thank you all. I will miss what we had here together. It was the highlight of my day.
with love,
aimee
Hi Aimee - I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can understand how freaked out you must feel. I would too. There really is no reason to be embarrassed. This was completely out of your control. It must be at least a little comforting to know who did it. I’m glad you’re ok. Stay well.
The cruel actions perpetrated against Izaluckycat certainly angered me. Tumblr-tearoom, who happens to be a real-life angel, said this of the cruel actions towards Aimee and the outpouring of love that the cruelty triggered: “As horrible as this particular piece of cruelty was, it generated an outpouring of much heartfelt sympathy, love and emotion. There is still more good in this world than bad.”
Citizenrockfordkane makes a very fine point that bullies and terrorists are empowered when we give up and flee or simply stop battling. Tumblr-tearoom opened my eyes to all of the positivity and love that sometimes occurs after negative actions.
One thing that is very draining about my line of work (as a forensic mental health specialist) is that I work with those found guilty of crimes that run the gamut of cruelty. I see how legal systems quantify the worth of survivors of crimes and it saddens me that survivors are worth so little in the eyes of the courts (and governments). Victim/survivor services are very, very limited in nature. Very little government funding goes towards the medical and mental costs of the survivors of criminal victimization. It is not uncommon for survivors of crimes (both violent and non-violent crimes) to have to endure the tortures (physical and/or mental) for far longer (in terms of time: years) than the offenders found guilty by courts of law.
Rapists often actually serve less than three years in prison and murderers are often free again around five years. Batterers (domestic violence offenders) often have dozens of convictions for assault 4th, violation of Emergency Protective Order, violation of Domestic Violence Order, Stalking before they step foot inside of prison. It should take little imagination to conceive of the tremendous psychological and physical pain endured by survivors of this cycle of violence.
During and following incarceration, tremendous amounts of funding is spent on probation officers, domestic violence counselors, substance abuse treatment, vocational rehabilitation, and other services for offenders while the victims are often left stranded at sea clinging to a piece of drift wood as they hope to find some semblance of shelter from the storms of their lives. My father (sperm-donor) was a batterer and it sickens me that domestic violence remains very commonplace. For those who have seen Martin Scorsese’s Cape Fear, much of the actions of Max Caty are fairly commonplace on this planet earth. Batterers also often like to harm, torture, and kill family pets.
I’m kinda unfocused and all-over-the-place this morning.
I drain myself this morning and what I type may be poorly articultated.
Anyway, I need to acknowledge my own cruel actions. I was very cruel towards Acheron, now know as thenameoftherose. I typed cruel accusations about her. I was reckless and unmindful. I apologize for my actions. I will not try to justify my actions. I was being a bully, hypocrite, and unmindful. My actions harmed thenameoftherose and others.
When there are things that I seek to disagree with I need to be mindful and engage in respectful dialogue or engage in no dialogue at all.
I grew up in a high-crime and often violent neighborhood. I was always thin and before the ninth grade I was short (I grew to be 6’ during the summer before ninth grade). My father was violent. I grew to not tolerate bullying. I often fought bullies tooth and nail and I discovered that most bullies seek to dominate and overpower but despised fighting. Many ass-whippings came my way, but generally the bullies would only engage in about two fights before they would leave me or those who I sought to protect alone. Anyway, what I need to say here is that I need to be careful not to mimic the actions of the bullies who I would battle and I need to not bully.
My nature makes it very difficult for me to turn a blind-eye to harm being done to others, especially if I believe that I can do anything to lessen the harm done to others. There is a very soft place in my heart for severe and persistently mentally ill (SPMI) adults and that is the reason that I have spent almost a decade working with SPMI clients. I chose to become a forensic mental health specialist about three years ago because I had friends who worked at the correctional facility (including the Pilgrim) and I wanted to help to possibly reduce the cycle of recidivism and harms done to others.
Most of my clients are themselves survivors of tremendous pain but it does begin to psychically drain to so frequently deal with individuals who harm so many people (and often are very very slow to seek to discontinue their own patterns of harming). The economy is awful right now. I need to contemplate a shift to another line of work where I can help those who struggle through difficult portions of their life journeys. Some considerations are grief counseling (lindsayneedscoffee pursues this line of work), victim advocacy, working for protection and advocacy for SPMI, geriatric mental health. Who knows. I scored very high on the LSAT when I took it years ago, but I am very cynical of the legal system as a whole. I realize that I might be able to do more good if I earned a legal degree, but I have a propensity to be lazy.
This typing is some sort of strange thinking aloud and… I need to shut up.
Today is Valentine’s Day and I try to treat everyday as if it was Valentine’s Day for my lovely bride and valentine (which may be why she is cool with my going to watch Slipknot, Trivium, and Coheed & Cambria in concert tonight: with Fifeman and Spacecate…. my bride would not be interested in going to the concert under any circumstances).
I will continue to be very flawed, Tumblverse, but I will try to engage in good actions that outweigh my own evil actions. I need to remember that every breath is a blessing and that although the world may be tainted sometimes my own visions of the world is one of the worst tainters. I will never be a blind-eyed optimist for there will always be injustice (including to Momma Earth), but I need to be mindful and focused when I contemplate what I perceive to be wrongs. Also, I need to make a concerted efforts to not ignore and be blind to rights.
Where I am is the only place that I ever am. Charles Genoud states: “There’s nothing special about the present moment except for it’s the only one we have.”
I will remain a flawed life journeyer, but to be flawed is to journey.
Jo Sonofjo Wolstenholme
i am this close to jumping the tumblr ship.Hold steady for a minute.That won’t help. It is precisely at times like this that you should straighten your back and weather the storm. (sorry to sound so damned British) Never, never,never give in to people like this. Or let their sickness determine your actions.
I feel the same . It makes me sick…
You can’t give in to weirdos and bullies. I didn’t and no-one else should. Charley’s right - it’s the stiff upper lip thing and refusal to be beaten.
Wow, I just got on-line and saw all this. What a cruel prank someone would play. But I am again amazed to see how good can come out of something so bad. It happens all the time, which is a blessing in my opinion and one of the reasons I think people should have hope and try to weather each storm. Hard to live up to, I know from experience but there is usually light in the darkness.
desert cats
dance whenever it rains
my own eyes captured this view
of owls flight in celebration
and horned toads
on holiday
even the creosote is happy
and she releases her perfume
splendid gift
only her sappy leaves can bring
the pounding deluge
fills in dry cracks
rivers race
quenching thirsty washes
as the sky lights
in natural fireworks
and the crack
and the roll
of the most lively drummer.
That is very pretty. An ex I had went to school in Arizona and had friend there. We would visit occasionally and although I love where I live right now I would go to Arizona in a heartbeat.
